whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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