You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
