do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
