Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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