this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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