When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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