I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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