How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
