Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
