they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
