So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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