new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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