My liver just broke up with me...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
