Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
