STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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