you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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