They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
