Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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