We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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