Betty ford says i'm here all night
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize