I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize