Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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