I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
