well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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