one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
honey bunches of taint.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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