I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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