so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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