Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
