FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
