I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize