Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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