is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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