i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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