Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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