Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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