you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
