theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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