On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
