you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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