Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
