dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
