i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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