I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As shirtless as possible
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
