Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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