i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
