I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
