Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
