Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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