I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
