The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
