Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
