You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize