ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
