I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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