I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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