Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
