i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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