i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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