i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
