Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
