There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
