For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
