Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
