so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
