I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
