matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
